Saturday, May 13, 2006

Heartbreak, Break-up, and Heart-death

Sometimes, it can be such a risky business to love. Memories of past hurt can make one a prisoner in one’s own heart. And when one does take a risk but is then abandoned, one can feel like shattering into little pieces, into unrecognizable bits. It saddens me to see young people destroyed by the loss of a love, by the hurt of such a loss. Some people do irrational things or violent things that they wouldn’t have thought themselves capable. It need not be this way.

Ever had that overwhelming feel of a break-up? That indescribable scorching of your heart that leaves you powerless, lost, and wishing that you were never born so you could rid your self of that tear in your heart-a tear caused by the knifes that seem stuck stubbornly in your heart, knifes that seem connected to the dragging rocks of previously great memories?

Heartbreak, like a virus, uses your own self against you. The memories of yesterdays can become the horrors of today. The smiles that use to sip into your senses, tickling you into uncontrollable laughter, now become the draft that rids you of comfort and sanity. Your mind may even punish you with thoughts about your possible foolishness for believing that the smiles would always favor you…

A heartbreak can be poisonous to the mind and body, but it need not be. The heart is an incredibly resilient organ; it can recover from any hurt if one accepts one’s mind as the powerful ally it is. Tomorrow can be brighter. A loving heart is a loved heart, a free heart, and it is not defined by one singular object/person.

Consider the poem Dissolution by Christine Klocek-Lim, which I discovered yesterday. What impressed me about the poem is Klocek-Lim's ability to take a subject so fragile, so potentially rich in histrionics, and confine it strictly in the realm of extrospective description. Reading the poem, I almost feel like the narrator is also the girl in the poem. Klocek-Lim takes away the heart, while talking about the heart--this has the effect of giving one an upper hand, rendering the pain almost confined in a box despite its attempt to confine. But pain will confine if given the opportunity.

In the end, to the heart, it never really matters who is at fault; it only sees its pain, and the heart can become crippled by this pain. If one can stand outside one's self and see the potentially crippling effect of heartache/hearbreak, one gains an upper hand, allowing one to respond more constructively to it.

A heart loves other hearts, starting with its own heart. A love that is lost, while painful, is just one lost heart, no matter how big a space that heart once occupied. There is always that singular heart, one’s own heart, which is a spring waiting to nourish other hearts.

Move forward, carefully, into the unpredictable stream of life, but do move. Do not imprison/poison that singularly important heart—that one that will never leave you, that one that dutifully and lovingly dances in honor of you—your own heart.

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At 14/5/06 10:19 AM, Blogger Susan Abraham said...

Hi Rose, this splendid post rings of a theme that would work very well for a novel. Your deep insights on heartbreak so acutely covered. love.

At 14/5/06 10:54 PM, Blogger Susan Abraham said...

Rose, I also wanted to add that I've found heartbreak one of the more painful things in life. For me, just 2 things work to heal and subdue the ache: that's my brand of Christian prayer and also the steady flow of time. I returned to re-read your post. love

At 15/5/06 11:48 AM, Blogger Rosemary Esehagu said...

Hello Susan,
We are social creatures, and we like to know that we're loved and wanted. So yes, heartbreak, as the name implies, would hurt terribly. Christine's poem and the art associated with it helped to give the inspiration for this post.

I believe that the heart doesn't want to hurt for long, but sometimes we become so fearful of our hurt that we keep it around with us for longer than we need to (weird, right?). I agree; time and prayer are among the best medicines, along with embracing the other loves around us.

Wishing you a heartbreak free day :)

At 16/5/06 1:27 AM, Blogger Susan Abraham said...

Hi again Rose,
Surprise! Surprise! Come and see what I've done for you on my blog.

At 17/5/06 11:11 PM, Blogger Rosemary Esehagu said...

Hello Susan,

What a wonderful surprise!

At 1/8/06 2:45 AM, Blogger Cassandra3383 said...

Hearbreak can be painful but we all learn from it and it makes us a better, well-rounded person in the end. It happens to the best of us. My therapy usually when heartbroken is cheking out webdate*com and flirt with the cutest guy in there... seems odd but it makes me feel so much better.

At 10/12/06 12:37 PM, Anonymous zico said...

Rozzy i hail u welu don, this is just a normal thing about relationships 2 day,that is why one have to be very careful about it.A broken engagement is better than a broken home.
Cassandra your decision, can reck your life, you need to seek after God for have his way in your life.
The problems is , you have been looking around and not looking "Above"
Take Kia

At 11/2/07 10:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi sandra came across your webpage, as someone going through heart break, its one of the most painful things one can experience, more than tooth ache or child birth, because this kind of pain takes a long time to go away.
I have been looking for someone to talk to, all my friends say to me you need to move on, dont waste your tears, you are above it, but its easy to say, but hard to carry out. Its taking my heart sometime to let go, i know i have to do so for my sanity, but sometimes i think we enjoy the masochism of reflecting and hoping that he would come back to you.... Your mind tells you one thing, your heart sings another story. People say to me find someone else to move on with, it might work for some people, but i fear i am not one of those people.
I am sorry for ranting on your page, its just that when i read your words, i felt that finally all what you said was just not me being psycho. I tell you its really hard especially when you give your all to the person and you thought that they loved you as much as you did, to find out it was all a farce. Sometimes the pain of it cripples you, makes you confused, hate yourself, hate people, what i use to get through the day is in the near future i would look back and remember the good times and not the bad times.

Thank you for your words, its made me realise a few things

At 17/11/08 10:56 AM, Blogger vineet jain said...

I dont know who this anonymous person just above my comment is. But you just read out my heart. Every single word you said is exactly what i feel.
I would like to know where are you now. Its been a year since you posted this comment.
Basically I want to know how my life's gonna be in the future.
Please reply


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